There was a young girl that I worked with who touched me like no other so I decided to tell you her story. Her name was Melanie and she was 6 years old. She was adopted from Vietnam and was a very quiet, shy girl. Her adoptive parents had a business they ran out of their home and so the mother home-schooled Melanie.
Melanie was extremely shy and very rarely spoke to anyone in her surroundings and I never saw her with anyone her own age just playing outside. She was always by herself in the corner at a table looking at books or doing projects that her mother gave her to do. I often wondered why she didn’t go to school like other children her age. Melanie extremely shy and very quiet for a girl her age and she was always playing by herself. She talked very little with the adults that came to work in her parents business and she had very little contact with other children her own age. She had a brother that was also adopted from Vietnam but he was a bit of a trouble-maker and frequently gave Melanie a hard time. She had no interest in cultivating new friends nor in going to other children's homes to play or stay overnight for slumber parties. She quietly played by herself, did art projects or talked with the adults around her.
At first they thought she might be displaying some sort of selective mutism. So I was brought in to work with Melanie to help her grow emotionally and creatively. The main action I did with Melanie was to set aside time that was strictly her own – no intrusions from any outside source. During this time, Melanie was the "boss." I consulted with her on what she wanted to do and then proceeded to do whatever that was. I followed her lead and did what she requested of me (as long it was not any type of harmful action). She would bring out her plastic jewelry and make up different scenarios of what we were going to do. Sometimes it would be dressing up and other times it would be going shopping. She loved art and sometimes it would be drawing pictures and she would then tell me what happened in the picture.
Melanie and I did this for a 2 week period and at the end I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life. She usually had something in mind for us to do or she came up with something pretty quickly and it was usually a pretty sedate activity. But today was very different. Melanie did something that both shocked and delighted me – mostly because it was totally out of character for her… But one afternoon she came out of her bedroom in full ballet dress – an adorable pink tutu and proceeded to dance as if she had been born to it. I had never seen her do anything like this before and so I watched in shocked wonder as she twirled and danced thru the living room and kitchen of her home as if she was on stage. Twice she slid on the floor and wound up on her butt giggling for about 2-5 seconds but then got back up, went into a beautiful pose - frozen as a dancer would at the end of her performance and started dancing again as if the faux-pas had never happened. Her mother and I continued to watch Melanie perform. She was as amazed and delighted as I was at the incredible blossoming of this shy, little girl into a dignified young lady.
After this amazing change, I ended my work with Melanie but kept in touch with her mother. From that point forward, Melanie was a completely changed young lady. She started doing things with others her own age, went to school and stayed at her friend's house overnight.
Children, if given wide latitude to create and be themselves, will blossom and are a joy to behold. Spend some quality time with your child, one child at a time (their own special time with Mom or Dad) and let them be the boss for a while. You will be amazed and warmed at what life, creativity and dignity that is native to your child if they are given the respect they truly deserve.
